Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
