i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
