The maid of honor just puked.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
