first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
