Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
