i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
