My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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