so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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