Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
