Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
