Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
