Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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