You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
