She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
