Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
