he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
