I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
