I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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