she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
