I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you traded sex for a burrito?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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