when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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