Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
