I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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