GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
