I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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