I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
