shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
this beer tastes like vomit already
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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