Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
