What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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