Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Randomize
