and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize