tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
