just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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