OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
