hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
