Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I stole a fireplace last night.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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