it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
