I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
