i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
