woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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