Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
