i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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