He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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