they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
