im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize