just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize