I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
