I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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