I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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