In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
