Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize