my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
