We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
