I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize