I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
They took my balls.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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