what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
