His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
