Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
