in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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