i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
