I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
