theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize