If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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