UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
