Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
