I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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