Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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